Alien

Justin traced a finger lovingly down Lana’s jawline. Suddenly he stopped, frowned, and retraced its path. He raised an eyebrow and drew back a little for a better look.

“Err, honey?” he said, “I hate to break the mood, but do you know your right cheek is all green and scaly?”

“Huh?”

“Your cheek. It’s all… umm… icky?”

“No it’s not.”

Justin frowned.

“Definitely is, honey – are you allergic to anything?”

Lana jumped and raced to the bathroom, leaving Justin staring in her wake.

Five minutes later she returned, picture perfect and smiling serenely. Justin checked – her cheek looked and felt like normal.

“I hate to ask,” he sad hesitantly, “but what on earth was that?”

“Just some old pizza cheese!” she said brightly, and wrapped her arms around his neck, angling in for a kiss.

Justin laughed and pulled back a little.

“Pizza cheese? First, we had sandwiches for lunch – and I think I would’ve noticed if it’d been there long enough to go green! Seriously, babe, what’s really going on? Skin infection? Herpes? Whatever it is, we can deal with it, eh?”

Lana sighed.

“Oh well…” she said, “I guess you had to find out sooner or later. I’m an alien.”

Justin sat down hard and laughed.

“Geez, the things women will do for vanity, love! I won’t stop loving you if you have a gross green rash all over your face!”

Lana snorted.

“You mean you never suspected? I mean, I don’t breathe!” she said.

“Welllll…” Justin pondered out loud, “You do eat pretty weird stuff.”

Lana’s face fell. “I thought I was eating normal human stuff!”

“Pickle, vegemite and icecream sandwiches?” he asked, “I’ve been wondering if you were pregnant!”

“Fair enough,” Lana said, and smiled.

“Yeah, it -” Justin stopped dead. “Just wait… Lana, you’re a bit fatter than my ex-girlfriend.”

Lana nodded politely.

“And?”

He stepped back a few paces.

“You really are an alien,” he said, awestruck, “God, there’s no way I’d be alive and not single right now if I’d said that to a human woman!”

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4 Comments

  1. PMSL
    I hope there’s more to come ?

  2. I think so 🙂 I’m just not sure where to take them from here! Whereas I accidentally came up with extra plans for the Cupcake of Love couple – they were supposed to quietly fade away, dammit, but no, they had to BREED!

  3. […] the last week-and-a-bit! Welll… 3 pieces of stories, anyhow. They’re not really whole. Alien is a story about a guy discovering that his girlfriend is really … *insert scary music* […]

  4. I must agree with the man. If a guy had said that to me I would’ve slapped him. Or at least glared. 😄

    I always like how your stories are brief, but entertaining. A skill required of a good author is brevity, and I think you’ve got it down!


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