The Snot Queen

Cath woke up a superhero.She hadn’t quite expected it, to be honest.

“Live’s neber pedictubble, dough” she muttered, and went in search of a tissue. She cleared away enough of the mucus to allow temporary breathing, then drank 3 glasses of orange juice in lieu of breakfast.

As she lumbered out of the shower and into work clothes, her husband wandered in and laughed. “Dear God, you look terrible!” he grinned.

Cath sneezed, and her husband squeaked and jumped backward as snot flew everywhere.

“Huh,” Cath sniffed, “not such a big ban now!” She stalked out of the house and off to the bus stop.

****

“That’s not the right change!” the bus driver yelled angrily, “Didn’t you read the sign? Gather correct change before getting on the bus!”

“Bud I don’t hab de right change,” Cath protested.

“That’s NOT MY PROBLEM!” the bus driver screamed in her face.

Cath got an idea.

She sneezed.

The bus driver screamed.

“DAT’S your probleb,” Cath said sweetly, and grabbed her ticket and change. “Hab a nice day!”

A fellow commuter looked at her admiringly and gave her his seat. Everyone else edged away.

****

Cath’s boss sniffed condescendingly.

“Don’t think you can get away with slacking off just because you’re ‘sick’,” he pronounced. “You’re not the only one with a bit of a sniffle, you know! You don’t see anyone else complaining. Take it like a…” he trailed off and smirked at her. “Well, just deal with it!”

Cath got angry. This misogynist bastard had sniped at her for the last time, dammit!

This time she was practised. The mucus hit him right between the eyes.

“Oh groth!!!” he spluttered, “It’th in my mouf! Oh!”

Cath snickered. Her fellow workers cheered silently behind the boss’s back.

****

Cath’s team member shook her head. “It’s not right,” she said, “you’ll have to redo it, Cath.”

Cath growled, and lifted her head for another targeted sneeze.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” her coworker said, and grabbed Cath’s nose. She held on grimly as Cath swelled up, larger and larger, filling with the sneeze that couldn’t get out.

KABOOM!

Cath exploded.

There was snot everywhere, but the superhero had learnt her lesson. Don’t go mad with power, and if you do, don’t mess with a mother.

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5 Comments

  1. ROFLMFAO
    Totally gross but I love it 😉

  2. I was thinking, “EW, gross!” throughout writing the silly thing… but I couldn’t resist 😀 I think my 11yo will like it too!

  3. […] first story I read, The Snot Queen, was about a woman with a runny nose who became a superhero. A great read that has been well […]

  4. […] The Snot Queen is a truly gross story about a female superhero, loosely based on real life (see Snot Queen Elect). Full of action and mucous. […]

  5. This story had some lulz. The beginning I was a bit put off my the briefness of her being a superhero and then not going out attacking robots or something, but as I progressed through the story a smile started to emerge when I realized what kind of super hero she was.

    (Anyone CAN be a hero after all)

    And when she started to abuse her power, I got a little angry at her. So when she exploded, I smiled! 😀

    Good story!


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