The Fairy Princess

“Errr…” said Merryl.

“Huh?” queried Kyle, “what’s up love?”

“This is.” she said glumly, and handed him a small plastic stick.

Kyle looked puzzled.

“It’s a pregnancy test! Geez!” she explained, exasperated. “And it’s positive!”

“Ewww, you peed on this?” Kyle dropped it, revulsed.

Merryl rolled her eyes as she followed him into the bathroom she’d just emerged from.

“Do you think maybe you missed the point?”

“Huh?” he said distractedly, scrubbing his hands.

“I’m pregnant, you git!” she yelled in his face.

The soap went flying and he stared at her, stunned.

“Pregnant? But, umm, the… pills? Didn’t you take the pills?”

*ping!*

“Hello, beautiful people!” said Aunt Helgifna, perched delicately on the edge of the bath and waving her trademark purple fluffy wand.

Merryl put two and two together.

“Auntie, you didn’t…?”

“Of course I did, darlings!” Aunt Helgifna sang merrily, “it’s about time you two produced an heir, you know… the kingdom’s getting worried!”

“Come OFF it!” screamed Merryl, purple with rage. Kyle backed slowly out of the bathroom. “We’re nobody royalty, we don’t need an heir!”

Aunt Helgifna burst into tears.

****

Merryl had the textbook pregnancy – full of hormonal moodiness and demands for ridiculous foods. Kyle found himself happy when something relatively normal appeared on the menu – like chicken, avocado and icecream sandwiches for breakfast. The food cravings waned as she grew larger and grouchier, and Kyle took to hiring a butler to fill her orders so that he had time to decorate the nursery.

****

Kyle had always pictured ‘being at the birth’ to mean sitting by Merryl’s bedside, wiping her forehead with ice water and heroically keeping silent as his hand was mashed into pulp. Instead he was kneeling by the bath on hard tiles, while Merryl knelt in the bath with both hands on his shoulders, shouting imprecations and curses and swearwords into his face. He caught “mangy idiot bastard couldn’t wear a condom!” before she lost words. He tried not to take it personally.

****

Kyle looked in awe at the little blanket-wrapped bundle.

“She’s gorgeous,” he murmured, and blinked away an entirely unmanly tear.

“Hold her!” chorused the aunts and cousins.

Kyle looked dumbstruck. “Errrrr…”

Merryl thrust the baby into his arms. “There you go, your daughter!” she beamed, “Now I’m having a snooze – everyone out, and you keep Monica quiet!”

Kyle fumbled around a bit, got the baby into a more comfy-looking position, and sat back in his armchair. This parenting thing might not be so bad, he decided.

Monica opened an eye. Kyle froze.

“Ummm… hungry? Nope, Mum just fed you… ahhh… nappy change? Eurgh, it’s a nappy change, isn’t it?”

Monica pouted.

“No no, that’s OK honey…. now let’s see… clean nappy, wipes, lotion… right, this comes off… don’t need the wipes, that goes under before you pee everywhere, lotion…” he paused to squirt lotion around the general location of the nappy, “and do it up… brilliant!”

A midwife popped her head round the door. “Having problems, dad?”

“Nope, managing fine!” he beamed proudly as the nappy fell off and Monica soaked his shirt.

The midwife giggled.

****

Merryl woke to the sound of a baby screaming. Not, she discovered with a single half-opened eye, hers. Thank God. Hers was lying fast asleep in the bassinette next to her.

She stretched and sat up slowly. Poked Kyle awake. He snorted and shook his head, dislodging the drool.

“Oh… hi darl!” he mumbled. “Sleep well?”

“Better than you!” she laughed. “you’ve got drool all over your shoulder!”

As Kyle scrambled to clean himself up, she leant over for a look at baby Monica.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” she asked dreamily.

“Yeah, she is,” Kyle agreed, looking soppy. “Umm… there’s something I meant to ask you, actually. I could’ve asked one of the nurses, but I didn’t want to seem like a complete idiot?”

“Mmm?” she prompted.

“Ummm… what are those nubby things on her back? Are those just her shoulder blades? Because they look a bit weird, but then I don’t know what a baby’s back is supposed to look like, so I figured it’s probably just normal?”

Merryl smiled and cooed at Monica. “No, those are her wings, love. The fairy blood’s come out again.”

“WHAT?” Kyle shouted, confused and weirded out – and therefore just a little bit angry.

“SHHHHH!” Merryl hissed, as a midwife looked in to check for violence. “I’m sorry, darling, I thought you realised – Aunt Helgifna? She’s really my aunt, you know. She’s got wings. Right? Runs in the royal blood… like hemophilia. Fairy genes. It’s not common, if I thought it was likely I would’ve mentioned it… two in three generations is really unusual.”

Kyle sank back in his chair, speechless.

“Kyle… darl… say something!” Merryl begged quietly.

“My daughter’s a fairy?” Kyle managed. “How the hell did I never realise? How do we raise a fairy?” He started to panic. “The fairies aren’t going to take her, are they?”

Merryl giggled. “No, the fairies wouldn’t want a bar of her! Calm down, love… that’s why I hired two nannies for her. They’ve got training in this sort of thing, it’ll be fine! The royal family’s used to this sort of thing… that’s why we’re in the same hospital the family’s used for generations. That’s why castles have high ceilings and lots of heavy curtains over the windows. We’ll be fine, love.”

Kyle sighed. “Geez, this is going to be interesting… when should she learn to fly?”

“Oh, about 6 months… sometimes they fly before they can crawl, less co-ordination needed.”

He stared. “Flying before she can crawl? That can’t be good… how the hell does she land?”

Merryl grimaced. “That’s what the nannies are for… running round with a big blanket to catch her in! On the bright side,” she laughed at the naked fear on his face, “our family all have thick skulls! Goes with the stubbornness.” She winked at him.

Kyle laughed reluctantly. “Ah well, I never thought it’d be easy… just tell me one thing, though…”

Merryl raised an eyebrow.

“She’s not going to be a nutter like your aunt too?”

Merryl laughed. “Nah, that’s all Helgifna… or clumsy nannies letting her fall on her head too often.”
Kyle snickered.

Monica screamed.

“Oh lordy!” sighed Merryl as she reached for the baby and unbuttoned her blouse, “we better take advantage of the peace while it lasts, eh? Darl, can you get me some chocolate from the shop, please?”

She smiled at Monica as Kyle headed out of the room on his mission. “Lucky we didn’t tell him about the hexing, eh? Poor Daddy might’ve had a meltdown!”

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10 Comments

  1. […] The Fairy Princess is yet another update on Kyle and Merryl from Cupcake of Love and Happily Ever After. Only Part 1 is available at the moment (more coming ASAP). […]

  2. YAY! Been waiting for the next installment of these 2 love-birds lol.

    You’ve got an award waiting for you on my blog 😉

  3. “Ewww, you peed on this”

    That’s gold!

    Good one, Kyle.

  4. Sorry about the measly addition… but I figure any update is better than none, right? 😉

  5. Hmmm, wondering if she will get his testicles in a vice grip. I know I did 😉

  6. Kelley – LOL

    This is another rather pathetic addition, but the action is, like, REALLY close now 🙂

  7. […] gonna try to get a decent chunk of The Fairy Princess written. It’s all up here in my head… the next bit’s right there, crystallised […]

  8. WOOOT!!! All done. Now I can clear off to the gym for a couple of hours with a clear conscience… haven’t left any plotlines hanging 😛

  9. PMSL Brilliant!
    Finally explains why those drafty old castles had such high ceilings LOL.

  10. This is great stuff.

    I love the nappy changing part and the nannies with blankets.

    Some kids have training wheels, Monica has nannies with a training blanket.


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