I sat up, and my head exploded.

“Farrrrrk!” I swore softly into the darkness. All I could see was black. Was I blind, or just somewhere really, really dark?

Collapsing back onto cold concrete, I tried to think. Pain from the head-explosion obscured everything. So I gave a mental kinda shrug, and gave up. Chances were that thinking wouldn’t help me anyway. It never had before. I tried to sleep.

And whaddya know, I succeeded. Coulda been minutes or days, but I woke from a dream of being chased by a huge green bear with fangs dripping poison. I think I’d prefer the bear to whatever the hell I’ve gotten myself into here. I’m going down, that I know. How? Dunno, but it won’t be pretty.

“Ahh, Wen,” I whispered, “You ain’t gonna rescue me outta this shitfight, are ya?”

I sat there in the dark and wished I’d had the decency to leave Wen the hell alone and face this like a man, by myself. But I was still wondering if maybe she’d burst in and save me. She’s good at that.

I shook myself all over, pulled myself together. Then I crawled over the cold concrete til I ran headfirst (bloody typical) into a wall. Ignoring the screams from my head, I carefully stood up and peed against the wall. Life wasn’t too bad if you could take a piss.


  1. LOL
    Getting better and better, I like Pete, too 😀

  2. I agree with Mum.

  3. Are you writing this story in alternating voices, i.e. Wendy then Pete then Wendy? How interesting that Pete is self-aware enough to wish he had the decency not to involve Wendy. That makes him an interesting character because he must also know then that he uses her.

    My one quibble: “…my head exploded.” This needs some clarification since the image that it conjures is probably not what you’re looking for. If his head explodes, he’s dead. (smile)

  4. Jayne – ta 🙂

    Feral Beast – thanks, mate 🙂

    ccyager – I’m planning to put some third-person in as well. Probably alternating between the three. Bit stuck on the next scene atm though. The ‘head explosion’ was deliberate – I wanted a bit of a shock that would get across the sheer OUCH involved in sitting up. And Pete… well, he’s a fan of exaggeration, to put it mildly.

  5. Naomi, if Pete tends to exaggerate, do more with that in his thoughts and behavior so that it’s clear. Have fun with it.

    Be careful with the third-person POV section — it’s easy for that POV to sound too god-like unless it focuses in some way on a character. Have you considered doing the 3-person POV focused on someone close to Pete and Wendy who can give insight and perspective on their relationship and behavior?


  6. Cinda – thanks! 🙂 Thinking’s kinda painful atm, but I’ll let it percolate and see what I (eventually) come up with.

  7. […] Fiction, and Muse – Where’s Pete? All my muse will tell me about Pete and Wendy, after Gangsta Wrap, is that Pete’s in hospital somewhere – and there’s a […]

  8. ‘Life wasn’t too bad if you could take a piss.’

    Seems to sum up the male lead quite well! 😀

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