Spirit Guide

“Heath Ledger is my spirit guide,” says the fat, balding teenage girl sitting opposite me.

Riiiiight. Well, I didn’t get into teen counselling for the boredom.

I nod, interested (Nod #1, as taught by any good counselling course, even psychology).

“Does he talk to you? Or just… guide?” I ask, genuinely intrigued despite myself. DON’T encourage her, I warn myself.

“Oh, he talks…” she says, dreamily, “Mostly he tells me… to kill people. Specific people. People he doesn’t like.”

“I see!” I say, panicking slightly and doing my best to keep the I’ve-heard-it-all-before expression (Expression #1, ditto) on my face.

The girl bursts into laughter.

“Oh, your FACE!” she giggles.

I relax and carefully restrain myself from muttering something about smart-arse teens.

“So, you were winding me up?” I ask.

“Winding you…?” she asks.

“Taking the piss,” I say.

“Oh… yeah, sorry,” she says, sobering, “I couldn’t resist. And Heath told me it’d be fun.” She smirks a little.

Oh. Not ALL a wind-up, then.

View all stories in the Spirit Guide series


  1. Hollywood has a lot to answer for 😉

  2. Frickin’ hilarious.

    For a moment, I was going… “OMG, HEATH LEDGER IS THE DEVIL.”

    Or somewhat.

    Glad the spirit guide has a sense of humor!

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