You’re expelled, Monica,” Mrs Knightley said, looking sad, “I’m sorry, Merryl, but we don’t have any choice in this – the spell was a gross violation of our rules, and of another student’s rights. Teen mischief we can deal with, but this… she’s lucky to not be criminally charged. There’s no room for us to do anything more.”

Merryl sighed.

“How’s the boy – Justin?”

Mrs Knightley frowned.

“Josh. I’m… not sure,” she said slowly. “I think he’ll be better soon, he’s just having trouble understanding what happened. We’re waiting for his parents to get back to us before we decide what to do.”

Monica buried her head in her hands and sobbed.


“What the hell,” Monica said, “do I do now, Mum?”

“I don’t care what you do now,” Merryl yelled at Monica, “You’ve screwed up that boy’s life, and you’re worried about your future?”

She strode out of the hotel room and slammed the door.

“I meant,” Monica said to empty air, “how do I fix this?”

“Oh, honey,” Kyle said, grabbing her for a hug, “Some things can’t be fixed, you know?”


Dear Josh,

I just wanted to tell you again that I’m really, really sorry about what I did to you. It was dumb, and it was horrible, and I should never have even thought about it. Since I’ll never see you again, I want to be honest with you. I really, really liked you. You’re cute, and funny, and nice. And you never paid a bit of attention to me. So I tried to get your attention, and I ended up stuffing up both our lives. Umm, I don’t know what else to say except I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.



Josh crumpled up the letter and threw it at his bin.

“Stupid bitch!” he yelled.

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

Josh jumped and looked around.

“AH!” he yelled, then took a closer look.

“Oh – Great-Uncle Herbert? What are you doing… on top of my wardrobe?”

“Spying on you!” Herbert said cheerfully, and floated down to the floor. “That’s a nice young girl you’ve got as your True Love there, kid – I wouldn’t abuse her if I were you!”

Josh turned bright red.

“It’s complicated,” he said, sitting down on the bed.

“Hoo, boy, is it ever! A fairy hexer with that sort of power? Uh -” he said, forestalling Josh’s interuption, “I heard what happened. Why else do you think I’m here?”

Josh dropped his face into his hands.

“Oh yes, you’ve had a rough trot,” Herbert said, patting Josh’s shoulder, “Even rougher than mine! Why, my Molly turned me into a pink unicorn because I asked about her, umm, experience – she said I could bloody well work it out the hard way! Now that’s a rough trot – literally – get it? Unicorn, rough trot? Oh, umm, yes, you’ve had a hard time, you have – but this girl’s slated as the Love of Your Life, boy, we need to get you functional again!”

Josh sighed.

“What, just fix me up? Like magic, nothing ever happened?”

“Hell no! I’m going to take you to a brothel and buy you the shag of your life! That’ll show you there’s more to sex than being controlled by a woman’s spell, boy!”

“You’ll do nothing of the sort!”

Josh and Herbert swivelled around. Helgifna lay on top of the wardrobe, filling a large space with pink frills, lace and Poison perfume. She looked stern and pointed her purple fluffy wand at Herbert.

“YOU, my dear cousin, are a naughty, naughty boy! I won’t have you corrupting this sweet young boy with such ridiculous measures! He doesn’t need a shag, he just needs a few good hugs!”

Helgifna jumped down from her perch, and landed on her head. Herbert rolled his eyes and picked her up, placing her on her feet.

“Still graceful, I see, Helly,” he said, patting her dress down into shape.

“Get off me!” she demanded, and straightened her tiara. “Now – no more of this – umm… oh, stuff it, let’s go to the pub!”

Josh and Herbert hid sniggers behind sudden fits of coughing, then led her from the room.


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